One of my favorite games was one created on Friday night while waiting for drinks at the CJL during Shabbat, this lovely game is called the "I hate game." Now many people have criticized this game claiming that it is too negative, depressing, and disheartening -- those who have actually taken the time to play it know that it is quite the opposite. It is relaxing, relieving, a good way of getting to know people, and a down right funny time (the I hate game is not all that serious, often it is simply items like "I hate when people walk with umbrellas too low and you get poked.") To counter the perceived negativity of this game some dear friends of mine (Stacey, Hayes, and Joe) decided to add the "I love game" as an addition to the game, after playing the I hate game for a good hour while having to pick up vans for camp instead of going to the counselor teambuilding (not at all bitter).
So here is my slight own version, a brief list of what I love, and don't love so much about my life here in Albania.
1. I love how you decide where to buy based on who you know and who you like, it makes me feel like people are getting what they deserve.
2. I hate how it is appropriate to talk about weight here. I am often called fat, accompanied by a motion of blowing out the cheeks and putting out the arms in a round motion to the sides. I have told people twice that this is hurtful to me, but of course my Shqip skills tend to go a little (ok a lot) downhill whenever I am upset.
3. I love my friends and community members. They are awesome, and they take care of me beyond belief.
4. I hate living alone.
5. I love my orange trees in the back yard.
6. I hate my lack of freedom. We all know I've never been all that good at listening to what others tell me to do, but have been conflicted with my need to please people. Now imagine that with cultural differences, much of what we take for granted (walking alone in a place you don't know, going out for coffee alone, going to the park) have become things that I cannot do in my community as they are not cultural acceptable, or people worry about my safety, and I respect my friends and coworkers too much to go against what they tell me to do.
7. I love how hospitable Albanians are.
8. I hate how when I want to walk fast everyone is walking so slow... and in groups... or bobbling back and forth. Yes I accept that this is more of a problem of me and my American sensibilities.
That's all for now!
A similar game which I created when working with a group of court-ordered adolescent girls was called 'Appreciations and Resentments.'
ReplyDeleteIt can be a good group activity for helping individuals receive helpful feedback and even some reinforcement for their actions while also providing a mechanism for ventilating pent-up negative / hostile feelings.
The rules to the game are simple:
- Everyone sits in a circle, with or without chairs and/or a table.
- There is a leader (at first, it should be an adult capable of maintaining neutrality). Later, after several meetings, it can be beneficial to allow the group to choose the leader from among their peers. The adult then serves as a monitor as well as a back-up to the 'peer leader.' The leader establishes the rules, determines who goes first and maintains a neutral position while keeping everyone focused on the rules.
- Only one person can speak at a time.
- When speaking, the person must start with a statement of appreciation about another person, or an activity / rule / etc.
- If speaking about another person, that person must be present in the group.
- The person whose turn it is can then express a resentment (BUT ONLY after first stating an appreciation and then the resentment must be related to the same person / activity / etc identified in the appreciative statement.
- Expressions of resentment cannot be profane or malicious, but must be focused on an action or statement by the other person. (Cannot demean the person's character, ethnicity or anything else about which they might have no immediate control).
- Everyone gets a turn and the turns are taken in progression around the group.
- No one is allowed to comment on anyone's expressed appreciations or resentments out of order or regular turn-taking. This forces enhancement of listening skills and also helps the individuals experience the benefits of listening and thinking before speaking. Then, when someone does have a turn and wishes to speak about something someone else has said, the comments must still be in the 'Appreciation and Resentment' format.
- The process must continue until everyone has had a turn and then it is advisable to repeat the process in order for everyone to have an opportunity to address some of the things said.
This process engenders development of insight in the individuals as well as enhancing their self-image through having expressed empathy/appreciation for another person.
This is experiential theory of mind on a level easily internalized by everyone.
Keep writing your great blogs and good luck in the months ahead.
Lew