Be the change

"Be the change you want to see in the world."- Ghandi

It bothers me that this quote is taking on an angrier, reactionary, and accusatory role in my life than it used to. Say it to me a few months ago and I would have talked to you about why I joined the Peace Corps. I took whole courses on "connecting your voice with your touch," aka "putting your money where your mouth is," or simply "not just saying, doing." When I left the quote had such a positive ring to it, a call to charge, true inspiration. And now? Now after being in this country for a few months it has a different tone -- it is the words that I don't want to say calmly to those around me but sometimes scream. I'm not accusing anyone of anything, history can leave hard scars that take a long time to heal, but even though I know this fact my personal emotions and feelings are much different. I will live in this country, in this community for two years, those around me likely their lifetime. So why is it that sometimes I find myself putting in 80% of the effort or even more? I struggle sometimes here as a person who is focused on process and teamwork, in a place where I am really forced to focus on end result (it's not about how the park is made, just if the community gets a park or not). I am having a hard time putting my heart into my work when it is not the work I really believe in. And I think that has to be my answer, process. How can I change my work to understand that no matter what I do or do not accomplish here the process becomes well worth it? I will just have to get back to you on that, but I promise that I will!