And a real one

Sorry, I also wanted to put out a real post. For those of you who have talked to me recently you might have realized that I'm having a pretty tough time here. Sometimes it feels like I just can't go one full day without something bad happening (4/7 days this week). I could lie and tell you all that it's easy to keep in high spirits and value every minute-- but yes, that would be a lie. So what does keep me going?

Recently I've had more luck integrating into my community. I am starting to make a few friends, and even though most of our interaction occurs over facebook I have high hopes that it will migrate to the real world. New store owners are starting to get to know me as I venture into new places, or meet other people who work at the same ones. Yesterday while buying cheese cloth I had a conversation (which I only 1/2 understood because I can't understand most males when they speak Shqip) about universities, studying and Eskimo culture. Just the other day an old friend and shop owner invited me behind the counter to have lunch with her and her 2 sons, yes one of her sons thought I was 19, but it was a quite enjoyable lunch.

And then there's the hope that I'm learning and gaining. Sometimes I do worry about the negatives that I will bring home (here I am sometimes less considerate to others in public places due to the lack of organization and need for pushiness), but there are many larger lessons that I hope will carry on. For instance, approaching organizations and communities at home should be easier, after all most of them will speak English. Surely now I am more able to roll with the punches (blender breaks, no problem! I'll hand grind, that doesn't work? Ok I'll try mashing, still no? I guess I'll just make an apple pie instead), I am forever learning that things will NEVER work out the way I plan (you think I would have learned this lesson a little better during my evacuation from Katrina but hey). I will take away patience which will be endlessly important in my future career (planning has lots of bureaucracy too).

Lastly there might just be a little bit of my personality involved. We all know how long I'll follow through on things (I was a phone survey person for 4 years, took piano lessons for 8 even though I wasn't ever really going anywhere with that), and I've always enjoyed a challenge. This challenge has yet to bring out the best in me as they usually do but I do believe in time.

Some of my faveorit sites which I have not yet shared

Just some things I've seen along the way

- The auto school car parallel parking with half of the car accidentily on the sidewalk.... with nobody but the driving instructor in it

- My neighbor putting a flower into a toy gun

-A car getting fed up with the traffic on a round about and deciding to just drive through the middle

-A woman begging for money while smoking a cigarette

-A woman in her 40s wearing a shirt that read in large sequins something along the lines of "too slut"

-Countless young boys trying to look really tough while riding around on hot pink scooters

-"Obama Pens"

- A man telling a poor unsuspecting tourist all about how he was once a drug dealer/trafficker, just because the man spoke English (ask the parents about this one)

-A "Cars to sell" dealership

Well, it appears as if I've improved

A few weeks back I wrote about my difficulties in communicating Jewish holidays to those around me (in my defense, they are slightly difficult and use lots of words that don't really come up in daily conversation here). Well today I think I at least 1/2 managed to communicate the story of Hannukah to my Bashkia members. Well at least they understood that it had something to do with oil and it lasting longer than it should have, and something to do with G/d. I suppose it was probobally close to my translation of the man in the castle in Berat to my Parents...
Him: "Shqip, Shqip, Shqip, Shqip, Shqip"
Me: "Um, earthquake was there and did... something... and then... flying monkeys?"
No but really, I think they actually understood. They also for the first time actually enjoyed my cooking, but of course it was latkas. I mean even I was thinking to myself as I was cooking them that latkas are more proof that Jews have at least a few things really figured out. Well except the health thing apparently, but pshah. While the latkas were a hit, the mixing them with apple sauce was not. Turns out I have something in common with Albanians; they like their salty food salty, their sweet food sweet, and the two are not to mix.Well we'll work on the trying of new things with them, after all I still have quite some time here.

Even more uselessness

First I would like to start off by saying I really enjoy the word "throwables." Thank you once again teambuilding for making this world a better place.

I type this on a new computer which I bought for myself (yay!) which for those of you who know me well know how exciting this really is. Let's recap:
 Toshiba was born in 2005, where it was bought for Architecture work at Tulane university. It would suffer a rough childhood, as it was accidentally neglected as it's mother fled to Cornell university to escape the floods. It would never recover from this neglect, and would punish it's mother (me for those who have not caught on) henceforth. It accomplished this by: 1. randomly deciding that when I would press a key it would type a letter it would instead complete a command, leading to the keyboard and hard drive needing to be replaced (multiple times). 2. Getting a virus which would be there for years and my friends spent totals of over 10 hours trying to remove "you know that email saying 'enable harder erections'? That's YOUR  computer sending that out... 3. receiving 2 or 3 other viruses which would do things like make the internet not work, or type letters backwards in words 4. randomly deleting the Ethernet connection. Yes it was a very angry computer. It's still around, but I just wanted to share my immense happiness over this new one.

I had a good weekend to escape some issues (see below) that I have been dealing with. I went into Tirana to spend some time with friends, and was able to see Harry Potter in theaters (yes I know it came out a while ago for most of you, but some of us have to wait for the subtitles to be available). The movie was very enjoyable, but a different cultural experience going to an Albanian movie theater. We got kicked out of the seats we were sitting in, learning that the seats were numbered, only to go to ours to find people sitting in them. There are no "remember to turn off your cellphone" reminders, and that showed throughout the movie, and many people felt it great to talk through the movie. Reminded me more of what you will see in older movies about cinema in Italy, which is maybe why it did not annoy me quite as much as it usually would, or maybe just because it was HARRY POTTER.. Ahem sorry about that. It was amazing how excited we all got over processed cheese and nachos (both things we never really ate at home, but exciting in their novelty and Americanness). Later we went out for Chinese food (again super exciting, y'all don't understand how amazing it really is and most likely won't until you don't have access to it). Later we drank some imported beers (the first good beer I've had since being in country, which has in fact been a little difficult for me). Really it's the small things that rock my world right now, and I can't even imagine how grateful I will be when I return home.

I write this useless information to take my mind off of the more unhappy things that are going on around me. I had a WONDERFUL visit and travel with the rents, but upon arriving I began to wonder if I will ever catch a break. Friday, as my parents flew out, I awoke to find water dripping from my ceiling, oozing down my walls, and streaming in from the floors. Although the flooding was minimal, it was annoying to say the least, and in combination with the other problems that I have been having with my house has prompted me to look for another place. This unfortunately does not look like it will happen (I asked around today and people generally thought there was no other place for me to move into). So I payed for 2 months more internet and settled into the idea that I will continue to live in this house which has caused so many problems.

I am also deeply saddened by the passing of my neighbor, tutor, and friend Rovena. She was a wonderful woman, and although I had not seen her in months due to her sickness, I still  considered her my closest friend in this community. Rovena was an intelligent woman who was doing great things for her community (teaching about recycling, working hard to ensure the highest quality of education for her students, just to name a few things), and her loss is a blow not only to all who knew her but the entire community.

Not that I actually have anything to say (a series of rambling thoughts)

I remembered how Eastern European I really am. My diet for the past week and a half has consisted of all things cabbage: cabbage salad, stuffed cabbage, and most recently cabbage soup. The last is also known as "blue soup" as I used purple cabbage thus turning it a lovely oh so appetizing color of blue.

Sometimes men here will check you out or give you that ever so disturbing look of undressing you with their minds. Recently I've just started to smile and think to myself "if you only knew how hairy my legs are."

I woke up this morning to find puddles of water on my floor, it appears as though water will seep into my house after heavy days of raining. It's ok, it's like a natural mopping system.

Sometimes I think that my computer is trying to save me from myself. I'll be in the middle of a conversation with someone from home and it will just decide "nope, it's time for you to go to bed, I'm going to shut off now." This theory might have more validity if it didn't shut off at all other times of the day as well. But a broken computer means an excuse to buy myself a new one.

My parents are visiting in 11 days, and I couldn't be more excited. Neither could the entire town of Shijak. This might be partially my fault for telling to many people, but I don't think my parents are fully aware of the high amounts of coffees they will be attending with Albanians who speak no English.

I'm thinking of wearing a flea collar around and telling everyone they're really fashionable pieces in America, that feels like I'm abusing my status as only volunteer in Shijak though.

Sometimes I pretend not to understand what people are saying to me. So when I get told "how do you maintain having so much weight when you're a vegetarian," I ignore the fact that in truth I'm being called fat, and respond with the values of eating beans and vegetables.

Be the change

"Be the change you want to see in the world."- Ghandi

It bothers me that this quote is taking on an angrier, reactionary, and accusatory role in my life than it used to. Say it to me a few months ago and I would have talked to you about why I joined the Peace Corps. I took whole courses on "connecting your voice with your touch," aka "putting your money where your mouth is," or simply "not just saying, doing." When I left the quote had such a positive ring to it, a call to charge, true inspiration. And now? Now after being in this country for a few months it has a different tone -- it is the words that I don't want to say calmly to those around me but sometimes scream. I'm not accusing anyone of anything, history can leave hard scars that take a long time to heal, but even though I know this fact my personal emotions and feelings are much different. I will live in this country, in this community for two years, those around me likely their lifetime. So why is it that sometimes I find myself putting in 80% of the effort or even more? I struggle sometimes here as a person who is focused on process and teamwork, in a place where I am really forced to focus on end result (it's not about how the park is made, just if the community gets a park or not). I am having a hard time putting my heart into my work when it is not the work I really believe in. And I think that has to be my answer, process. How can I change my work to understand that no matter what I do or do not accomplish here the process becomes well worth it? I will just have to get back to you on that, but I promise that I will!

Crazy Cat Lady

A long long time ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, or more accurately around 5 months ago when I first moved into my house I found the following items;

• A black trash bag which I was too afraid to touch but was pretty sure held the contents of an old Christmas tree
• A man's leather jacket, still hanging in the front hallway
• A baby crib
• A baby stroller
• 2 small round fuzzy long sheep hair mats
• Various combs
• Cats living on my roof, for a long time I thought that they were rats but then when the noise stopped, and I began to see 2 little kittens around (now named Dimer [pronounced "dee-mer" and meaning winter], and Weasly, Weasly who as you may remember was the cat that spent a brief time living in my house), I realized they were cats
• A creepy backyard complete w/ shed filled with odds and ends, overgrown grass, and a little child's seat in the middle next to a tree (later I would use the shovel and it would end up leaned against that tree creating an even creepier image)
• Various little sculptures made out of shells and what look almost like bones
• Small black and white portrait photographs tucked into the corners of picture frames
• Moldy walls
• Termites in the furniture
• Dust everywhere
• A strange rusty cleaver like thing
• A small dresser filled with shoes
• A lamp of the bust of a woman made out of white plaster with strings hanging down for the hair

Well, I as well as some other people pointed out that I lived in a "cat lady's house," and recommended that to deal with the craziness/creepiness I find a way to incorporate them all into a party, or that I should just frizz out my hair and learn to embrace them. Today I feel as though I have taken that later piece of advice.

Currently I am sitting on my couch (my own personal island) in a sea of floors covered in salt (hey the analogy works quite well, oceans are salty). My hair is a little frizzy as I now have to go through a process of checking my clothes for fleas, showering, drying hair (where the frizz comes in) speedily, rechecking my clothing, getting dressed, re-entering house as little as possible, then leaving. And as far as the crazy cat lady thing goes, this whole process (that and the feeling of having bugs jumping/crawling all over you) is in fact making me go a little bit crazy. As for the cat part, Dimer and Weasly still hang around, as well as their mother "Narcissus", and her new kitten "Ginger," the father "Gandolf" also hangs around some times as well. 

Oh please let me get rid of these fleas soon...

Things you can make in a blender

I bought a blender when I first got here. It cost me an arm and a leg. People gave me a surprised look when I said I bought a blender and wondered "why on earth would she spend her small stipend on a thing like that?" Well here is why (a lovely list of what I have been up to in my blender, completely silly information I will share anyway)

1. Apple sauce
2. Bread Crumbs
3. Smoothies, which I have perfected
4. Gazpacho
5. Hummus
6. Creamed spinach soup
7. Nut, ginger, carrot soup

In other news, I have fleas. They are not fun. I have ranked it in my head of insects that annoy me and this is my list:

1. Lice, these ranked highest due to their constant annoyance and their long process of removal
2. Fleas, Below lice because while they are a constant nuisance, they are not as itchy as lice, removal is just as annoying
3. Mosquitoes, they buzz, they bite, they itch, but at least they're not just interested in you, and they are not super hard to kill
4. Flies, annoying and buzzy but they tend not to bite, plus with a fly swatter they provide me with some good old fashioned entertainment.

wherever you go...

Wherever you go, there’s always someone Jewish

You’re never alone when you say you’re a Jew!

Ok so this song might be true, but what it fails to recognize, or at least tell us little children that listen and take in the meaning of the song is that while they may be there, they might be ridiculously difficult to find. This is my opening to my post about my experience with the high holy days in Albania.

I had always planned to maintain my Judaism while in Albania. I also realized how flexible I needed to be to make this work. Soon after I arrived Passover began and with it my first challenge; how to maintain Passover dietary laws while living with a host family who was already confused about my choice of vegetarianism. At the time my Shqip skills were still slim to none, but at least my heart was in it. I learned a few words to help me out; Jew (which was actually the wrong word Hebreo is the most known here, and truthfully I’m not sure even that word would have helped me in the small village I lived in), bread, slave, and religion. I tried to explain my even more complicated eating rules than usual to my family, my stammering I’m sure came out a little more like this:

                “Because I faith (we hadn’t learned possessives yet). I am the Jew. Before are slave, then are not slave. We leave fast. Don’t eat bread.”

Needless to say this was generally met with looks of confusion from my Jysh (grandfather)—considering that we usually resolved these looks by playing our own little accidental games of charades (Bleta “buzz” says jysh accompanied by flapping of the arms in fast motions, can you guess, that’s right bee. Dele is accompanied by two horns and a scrunching of the face, uh-huh that would be sheep. Yes charades usually were about farm animals, so it goes when you live in a farming community) I decided trying to act out the story of Passover would not be all that productive. Giving up on trying to explain Passover I decided my best option would be to follow the dietary restrictions strictly while out of the house, but while in the house eat one serving of whatever was served to me even if it broke laws and avoid unnecessary items in the house such as bread.

While in pre service I dreamed of moving in on my own to celebrate Shabbat each week. Yes, I would bake challah, light candles, and bless wine. I must admit I have not been all that great with this as Fridays often became about traveling to meet friends to combat the overwhelming loneliness I felt in Shijak. It wasn’t really until the high holidays that I realized that keeping Shabbat was in actually an important part of maintaining my sanity.

With the high holidays approaching I developed a plan; my parents sent me a prayer book and I would do what services I could on my own. I looked up a recipe for challah, and bought some candles (well actually they were given to me as the word for candle is only slightly different from a dirty word and my coworkers were very afraid that I’d mess up on this one thus bringing turpe aka shame upon myself). I was ready.

Soon though I realized all that would be missing; the sound of the Shofar, the feeling of community, and being with family for the most important part of the year. Plan one was to stream services. Obviously there are some inherent problems with this mainly the time zone. After talking to another Jew in the Peace Corps I found out that she had set up bringing some Rabbis to Albania. I will admit I was much relieved to be spending Rosh Hashana with others instead of alone. Unfortunately these plans did not pan out. The Rabbis missed their plane.

While part of me was relieved I did not have to go into Tirana (this was in the height of my giardia), the other part of me broke down. After a quick cry I quickly called my mother who told me she knew this would happen and then offered to skype services with me.  Despite the time difference I saw this as a good option. While it was strange to be part of something and yet alone, it was nice to be with family on this day.

Aside from the unconditional methods of celebrating Rosh Hashanah this year there were aspects which made it incredibly meaningful and special for me. This year Rosh Hashanah fell on the same day as Bajram, then end of Ramadan here. Rosh Hashanah was accompanied by drums, calls to prayer, and my neighbor ringing my doorbell in the middle of my skype service to bring me sweet cake and byrek. I returned the food gift with a bit of challah with raisons. At the risk of being overly sentimental there was something incredibly nice and special about this sharing of food, and the intermingling of songs from my canter and calls to prayer over the loud speaker of the Mosque.  I suppose it’s just that feeling of universality we sometimes, although rarely, feel.

I suppose what I am trying to say is this, my celebrations might be different, my community might be different, but I still have them.  Sometimes it can be overwhelmingly good to feel that I am in the right place at the right time, and I am having a unique experience for myself.  

Until next time, wishing everyone a late shanah tovah, and hoping everyone had an easy fast.

Hi again!

Hi all, sorry for my long absence. So what do I have to report?
1. The stomach problems turned out to be giardia (oh so fun), after 4 pills that issue was taken care of!

2. Work has picked up a little, I have started work at the library updating their paper record copy to being electronic, I also received books for the library which I am very excited about. There are two organizations working in Shijak with women's groups, both which I have become involved with. One is a training, done by an organization where another volunteer in Durres is helping. The other is a women's project to do a "cleaning project." Both of these things were kind of sprung on me, but I am doing my best to roll with the punches and not get upset that I am constantly being told "neser, neser" or "tomorrow, tomorrow." Additionally I should start teaching English lessons at the Bashkia tomorrow, but this too has been postponed on me many times.

3. I bought "pipi corapegjata" or "pipi longstockings," to practice my Albanian. I actually had to argue with the man at the store about paying him. He tried to give it to me as a gift, which I would have been happy to accept had I not accepted his gifts of postcards the week before (given because I am out of town). I told him that it wa for his business and I should pay, and he finally accepted my money. The kindness of Albanians never ceases to amaze me.

4. I realize that I have not written about my neighbors and their awesomeness. My neighbors have temporarily adopted me into their family. Sometimes the mother will ring my doorbell and just hand me plates of food, it is really kind and I try to reciprocate by also giving them food I cook. Unfortunately most of the food I cook is not all that loved by Albanians.

I will update soon with an entry about the High Holidays and Albania but for now I just wanted to say a quick hello!

Not Much to Report

Hi all. My life has been a bit mundane lately. Really all I have to report is that I have been having stomach problems and they are what are ruling my life. These with a combination of the high holidays are once again causing a slight twinge of homesickness. I suppose I feel around the high holidays the way most of my friends are telling me they will feel around Christmas. They are all leaving to go home, having visitors, or leaving the country for it to be special.

And what am I doing for Rosh Hashana? Well I'm attempting to bake a challah which will most likely fail, eating saltine crackers, and maybe going into Tirana for services if those pan out.

I did get to go to Gjirocaster a few days ago which was a very good time. It was a last minute decision but I had a lot of fun exploring the castle in the rain with my friend, and getting my daily exercise by trudging up and down a large hill covered in bricks (think that nasty road in Ithaca that all the cars slip on but vertical).

Likes & Dislikes

One of my favorite games was one created on Friday night while waiting for drinks at the CJL during Shabbat, this lovely game is called the "I hate game." Now many people have criticized this game claiming that it is too negative, depressing, and disheartening -- those who have actually taken the time to play it know that it is quite the opposite. It is relaxing, relieving, a good way of getting to know people, and a down right funny time (the I hate game is not all that serious, often it is simply items like "I hate when people walk with umbrellas too low and you get poked.") To counter the perceived negativity of this game some dear friends of mine (Stacey, Hayes, and Joe) decided to add the "I love game" as an addition to the game, after playing the I hate game for a good hour while having to pick up vans for camp instead of going to the counselor teambuilding (not at all bitter).

So here is my slight own version, a brief list of what I love, and don't love so much about my life here in Albania.

1. I love how you decide where to buy based on who you know and who you like, it makes me feel like people are getting what they deserve.

2. I hate how it is appropriate to talk about weight here. I am often called fat, accompanied by a motion of blowing out the cheeks and putting out the arms in a round motion to the sides. I have told people twice that this is hurtful to me, but of course my Shqip skills tend to go a little (ok a lot) downhill whenever I am upset.

3. I love my friends and community members. They are awesome, and they take care of me beyond belief.

4. I hate living alone.

5. I love my orange trees in the back yard.

6. I hate my lack of freedom. We all know I've never been all that good at listening to what others tell me to do, but have been conflicted with my need to please people. Now imagine that with cultural differences, much of what we take for granted (walking alone in a place you don't know, going out for coffee alone, going to the park) have become things that I cannot do in my community as they are not cultural acceptable, or people worry about my safety, and I respect my friends and coworkers too much to go against what they tell me to do.

7. I love how hospitable Albanians are.

8. I hate how when I want to walk fast everyone is walking so slow... and in groups... or bobbling back and forth. Yes I accept that this is more of a problem of me and my American sensibilities.

That's all for now!

Trivia Tuesdays (3)... On Thursday

Sorry for the delay folks, I've been incredibly busy napping lately.

First the winner of last weeks Trivia Tuesdays:

There were three entries
1. Leslie
2. Mike
3. Meredith

Leslie had 8 wrong answers and 14.5 correct
Mike had 16 wrong answers and 15 correct
Meredith had one very lovely sentence written in Shqip amounting to the equivalent of “is that a banana in your jeans or are you just happy to see me,” which was entirely incorrect.

So with +1 for correct answers, and -1 for incorrect...
1. Leslie: 6.5
2. Mike: -1
3. Meredith -1

So that makes Leslie the winner, and she has won yes a postcard but also a coloring book for Avital. Oh and since Mike did get the most correct answers I will also be sending him a postcard.

The correct answers were:

1. Kastravec, domate, djathë, qumësht, mish, kos, ujë, mollë, pica.
2. It means a female part of the body
3. It is a not really a pie, it is most like spanikopita, with crispy (and oilly/milky) outers, and a filling inside.
4. Smoothie, or bread and coffeee
5. Italian, Greek, Turkish
6. Melons, lemons, pears, apples, tomatoes, cucumbers, potatoes, onions, okra, zukini, yellow squash, eggplant, peppers.
7. Oranges, and grapes
8. From my neighbors!

And onto this weeks question:

1. What 3 places have I lived in in Albania?
2. Name 3 places I have visited in Albania
3. What are the 3 largest cities in Albania?
4. What is the climate like in Albania?

Trivia Tuesdays the 2nd

For some reason whenever I hear "the 2nd, 3rd, ect" I think of dogs named Heidi, yes I do know the reason, damn you family stories!!

Anywhose, and the winner from last week is... drum roll please... .

NAT!

... Granted he kind of knew he won as of yesterday because he asked to be told since he had already made his guess. 

The correct answer was $1.20. Sorry Leslie, you were very close and if Nat had not done the $1.00 you would have won (he was going to do $0.76 but decided he did not want somebody else to do .77 thus beating him in case it was there...)

So congrats, you have won... A POSTCARD!!!

And that brings us to this weeks Trivia Tuesdays, bah bah bah bah!

The theme of this week's trivia is Albanian food, try to get as many right as possible:

1) how do you say the following words in Albanian: Cucumber, tomato, cheese, milk, meat, yogurt, water, apple, pizza.

2) why is it inappropriate to say "peach" in Albanian?

3) what is byrek?

4) what is my most common breakfast?

5) what other cultures influence Albanian food?

6) what fruits and veggies are currently easy to get?

7) what type of fruits can i get from my backyard?

8) where do i get parsley from?

Footnote...

Hey all, I just wanted to add on a little to the last post and say that for the most part the camp was amazing. It was run and organized amazingly, the things which made me upset did not relate to the camp itself but to my perception of Albanian culture. The camp was tons of fun, and the kids played great games (including us making them run after chickens), rock climbed (my hands are completely ripped up but it was worth it), swam (and a few gained some skills), arted, trampolined, and interacted. My frustration comes at a larger level... cheers!

Careful the things you say...

" Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see and learn
Children may not obey, but children will listen
Children will look to you for which way to turn
To learn what to be
Careful before you say "Listen to me"
Children will listen "

- (Stephen Sondheim, Into the Woods)

For those of you who don't know me all that well, I grew up with a few things;

1) Watching, over and over, Stephen Sondheim's musical "Into the Woods"

2) Summer camp

3) Being taught that creativity, free thought, encouragement, happiness, and love are the most important things that anyone, especially children, can have in their lives.

I spent three days helping out at a summer camp in Lezhe, ran through the Bashkia for children of poor families, with much help from my fellow Peace Corps volunteers and friends up in Lezhe. Although there were many songs sang this weekend, the one that I have posted is the one which continually played in my head the entire weekend. 
                 

 But why?

A common way of teaching/working with kids in this country is yelling at them and giving them directions of what to do. This weekend for many became about a few colored teams, and gaining points to win the giant competition. Not that I am against competition, I'm just against unhealthy competition. What good are we really doing when we yell at a child who already feels like she can't do much of anything? What are we teaching when we make it all about winning, not even telling the kids to finish if they are not in first place? Why do kids need to be absolutely attentive and quiet and in straight lines, and why do we get so angry if they do their own thing? I watched all weekend as adults stepped in and told the children what to do for skits completely overriding the childrens' original ideas, or yelled at them to run faster, be quieter,  and stand in straighter lines. These actions led me to an extreme sadness at one point, but when I told my friends that it hurt me how children are not encouraged, and creativity is not fostered they just gave me a look and said something along the lines of

"Relax, these kids are having

more fun than they have in a long time..."

Well maybe this is true. Maybe they are enjoying the games, but careful the things you say, children will listen....

1) We say go faster and they can't -- they listen I am not good enough.

2) We say don't finish somebody else already won -- They listen to just give up.

3) We say it's all about a prize -- They listen to only do for themselves and to win and gain. 

4) We say listen -- They listen to rely on other people and not themselves.

5) We say listen -- And they listen but can no longer think.

And these children will someday grow up, these children will become the business men, municipality workers, shop owners, waiters, mothers, and fathers of Albania. 

So Careful the things you do...

Children will look to you for which way to turn

To learn what to be

Ideas

1) you have until next tuesday to finish your guessing...

2) I am working on a people bingo sheet, if anyone has any good ideas as to what should go on it do share!

Trivia Tuesdays

I'm bored... I am starting something new for all y'all it will be called trivia Tuesdays! It will consist of a question, the first person to get it correct, or the person to get the answer closest will win a prize from Albania (something small which I can mail, but I will look and find something AWESOME each week). So here is the first week's question (for those I already told you can't play this week, sorry):

How much did I pay for my water

bill for the month of July (In American Dollars)?

Let the guessing begin!

All Too Normal

A few things that seemed very strange to me when I first got here but are becoming all too normal:

1) Sweeping the rugs. I thought this was absolutely crazy when I first got here, but now I do it everyday. Hey, if you don't have a vacuum cleaner what are you supposed to use?

2) Obsessive house cleaning. Again, I wondered how women could possibly care so much and have such an assigned space for each object. Well, if your house is what you have, and really the only thing you have control over you will certainly obsessively clean it.

3) Shower curtain/wall--less showers. What? No curtains, it's so open I used to think. Now I think how nice that I can walk around my entire bathroom while showering.

4) The semi crazyness at work. Now I just sit there in calm and get what I have to do done, and laugh at the rest.

An Ode to Posts & Ropes

While my grandfather (my mother's father) was still living he had an uncanny ability to find, point out, and explain the greatness of "posts and ropes". The standing poles connected with varying types of chord, rope, and webbing which sector off areas and create order while we wait in lines blend into the background for most of us, but not for him. My grandfather used to work for the posts and ropes company, hence his pride. Well after being in Albania for 5 short months (yes it's been that long think on that) I have come to share his admiration for posts and ropes.


I came into the Bahkia today to a mess of people, a huge clump blocking the entire hallway. The people spilled out into the waiting area, and then out to the front of the building. I pushed my way through (literally pushed) just to get to my office. This is not an uncommon site in Albania. Waiting "lines" don't really have any order, actually they don't really have any lines. People just clump in front of the window or door hoping to push their way into the front. This trend continues into food station windows, and many times I have left without buying ice cream, too frustrated that about 5 people have just cut in front of me. What I wouldn't do for a little order. To know that it is my turn, or the person in the red sweater, or sparkly sequined top's turn. What I wouldn't do for just a few old posts and ropes.

So thank you Pop-pop for all your posts and ropes, and for all the times you pointed them out to me; I'm sorry I never appreciated them enough before.

Ice Cream

One of the two local ice cream shops has a tendency to give me free ice cream. I have not yet figured out why they like to do this. Maybe it is because they are being hospitable, maybe it is because they are happy that I am here volunteering, or maybe, and more likely I either provide enough entertainment or they have enough pity for me with the 5 minutes it takes just to order the type of ice cream, complete with stuttering and mumbling hoping they will not notice I am pronouncing every flavor wrong. Either way, I will happily accept the gift.

The beggining of my weekend story

When I lost internet I started reading too much, when I read too much I tend to change my writing style... Sorry about that

A few days ago I woke up before everyone else did, the day before that after rising at 8:00 I was greeted with “how goes it sleepyhead, we’ve been up for an hour and a half already.” Damn it was only 8:00. It was the morning and therefore accompanied with the usual grogginess, haziness, and pleasantries; I may not be a morning person but there are a few aspects that even a grump like me can grow to appreciate. We hurried out the door at 8:30, what a crew in our tee shirts and chacos hoping to catch the 9:00 bus. I doubt that we would have gotten a seat even if we had arrived at 6, 7, or 8. The short bus was already packed, and despite people trying to help us (both bus employees and random stand bys) there was no way that 3, 2, or even 1 of us was going to make it onto that bus. A quick regroup ended with a decision for Kyle and I to hitch hike down to Elbason, while one volunteer would stay and enjoy a coffee before taking the 12:00 bus out.

One has to be careful in Puke, it has started to gain a reputation for hurt ankles. Many a volunteer has taken one wrong step and become yet another Puke curb casualty. I have always had super skills at avoiding nasty things in sidewalks , my natural walk—head down, shoulders slumped, a complete lack of posture—ensures that I see everything in my path. This skill has even gone onto a group skill sheet “Libby Horwitz: Talent, spotting dog crap on the road.” My friend to whom I point out every hole, ditch, bump, and notch in the road assures me that this might just perchance be a bit overkill, but I think he will think differently on the day he falls into a ditch while I was not there to point it out to him. What would people do without me?

But we make it through the treacherous roads of Puke to a small clearing next to a gas station. And we wait. When a car every 5 minutes passes I begin to wonder if hitching will get us anywhere at all. A car stops, the first one. They aren’t going where we need to go but at least we’re one for one. Kyle and I take turns choosing cheesy songs to sing; I’m the one who wants to be with you, Beach Boys, and so on, a Land rover comes into site “strap me to your land rover, une jam gati!” Kyle jokes before it pulls over to us. Kyle goes to talk to the two nuns sitting in the front. “Ne do te skojme ne Tirana,” he states “We are only going to a nearby village, sorry,” one replies in perfect English. As they drive away we remiss about how we were unable get a ride with two nuns in a land rover. Kyle says “we met two nuns but they were not willing to go all the way.” I tell Kyle “strap me to your land rover, I am ready” will be my new pick up line for all of time.

And We're Back!

So after 3 long days of scrambling between work computers, my computer, and internet cafe computers, bothering Mike, and looking up computer information I have finally got my computer back up and running, internet and all! I have a few things that I would like to write about but for now I just wanted to put out that piece of information. I will leave you with this:

What $7 will buy you in Albania:

Computer

Y'all might have noticed my sudden lack of internet activity... this is because I broke my computer. Yes I deleted some important file. I was afraid it was dead to the world but luckily a fellow volunteer brought it back for me. Now however I am entirely frustrated as I cannot get my computer to connect to the internet. I don't even know where to begin... do I have dial up or broadband? Setting up an internet connection... uhhhhhhhhhh.... please please please call me and help!

Update

I know many of you were worried about me after that last post, I would like to report that I am doing much better now. Currently I am very upset over the news of my Grandfather, and the fact that I am unable to go home and support and be with my family, but this is a natural feeling of sadness, and I think it is only healthy to be as upset about this as I am, and I also know that in time this heavy sadness will pass.

I think my major break through was realizing my situation here of isolation and loneliness has less to do with me being an American and more to do with me being a woman. Meeting new people in this community and talking to various women I have come to learn that many of them pass their days in the same manner as I do, watching tv, reading, fiddling on the internet, and staying at home. It was selfish and self centered of me to think that I am the only one here affected by this sadness and lack of outside freedom. I now no longer have to feel guilty about what I am or am not doing, and just have to take steps to make this better for us all. I am currently playing around with the idea of a free school, or at least giving some classes to start and have almost finished the flier.

This past week I went away to help out at another volunteers camp. It was great to be doing something again, be with other volunteers, and be working with youth again. It can be sad sometimes to face that many of the students here have not been asked to do any type of critical thinking, and a struggle to get everyone to see the power and intelligence that youth have. It is also hard to face that despite teaching critical thinking they will go back into the schools where the teachers will not want them to deviate from the "correct" answer. Man if I was a sometimes disliked student in the US they would have HATED me here.

I am back home now, relaxing and taking it easy. I currently have my first couch surfer, we cooked some pretty decent eggplant if I do say so myself. We also colored, a prerequisite to spending time with me. I really would love to hear more about what everyone at home is up to, I follow whoever has a blog vigorously (really I check daily) so please feel free to send me an email, comment, or anything telling me about you!

Frustration

So I have had a growing frustration over the past few weeks which has recently only escalated. I am sorry to bring you all this post because I know you only want to hear about how I am enjoying everything; my adventure, my work, my new friends, oh I must be having so much fun! But here's the reality, I spend 80% of my day alone. Even when I am with other people I am still often alone. By this I mean I wake up in the morning to get a little bit of work done before heading to work. At work I come in and talk to a few people about small things; food, language, clothing -- and this is the highlight of my day. I then proceed to my desk where I will remain sitting staring at random things on the internet, looking up projects, or finishing small tasks I want to get done. I am only interrupted occasionally to be asked for a coffee, or to make photocopies, or to translate some message that AutoCAD is spitting out (the file could not be located/unable to render the model).

People tell me that I should not be worried or upset, lots of volunteers don't have work when they first get to site. But that's just the problem, I'm not sure this will go away with time. I'm trying to work out how much of this is me and how much is the circumstances given to me. This has left me restless, listless, sleepless, and in a complete rut. I keep telling myself if I only do this, if I only get to know more people, if I just get to know people in my workplace then they will trust me.

But they don't. Partially due to my age, partially due to the fact that I come off like a bumbling moron talking in my 2 year old level Shqip, and honestly largely because I am not one of those people who demands respect when I walk into a room. No you will much more likely see me gaining respect from kindness, but this time it just isn't working. I just don't really know where that line of how pushy I am supposed to be is, and yes I have been pushing doing things. Anything that I do at work (other than the photocopying, and painting of the nails) comes from my initiative. Frankly, sometimes I just don't have the energy to push anymore. Again, maybe I'm just making excuses but I don't want to anger people so early on. So for now I will step back.

Today as you might have noticed was a breaking point. Maybe it was the fact that I made a pie for the Bashkia and nobody ate it except for me (and it actually was a damn good pie), or the fact that my co-workers just kept asking "soup? soup?" despite me explaining time and time again than no it was in fact a pie (I know this is the time to explain American culture but sometimes I wish people would just listen to me), or maybe that my boss asked me to paint her nails and then told me I did a bad job, or got angry at me for leaving to go on a walk to look at places in Shijak I have still not seen (pretty important to researching this community)despite refusing to tell me said information, or maybe that I no longer have a counterpart and I'm upset about many of the people who were suspended. Somehow I just made it to three and then left, returned home, watched tv and slept.

I am trying to pull myself out of this cycle, I don't want to leave site, I have met some wonderful people and things do move in a positive direction, I just wish I could get rid of this nagging feeling of guilt...

Happy fourth!

I just took one of the amazing showers of my life. Really, my whole entire life. I came in and dropped my bags down on the bathroom floor (it's big enough to do that), and hopped right into the shower. I didn't have to turn on the water heater (I have to if I want hot water, but recently I have been loving the cold showers), but I turned on the water pump (this I have to do if I want good water pressure). I stood in the shower not even washing, just letting the water hit me until it no longer felt like my body was the water filter. The amount of grime on me was absolutely incredible, too much for even me (which if you know me you know is really saying something). So I guess in order for you to understand why I was so grimy and hot I will have to backtrack to tell you a little bit about what was my fourth of July weekend...

On Friday I left to go to Durres to meet up with another volunteer and a women in an organization he worked with (he is leaving soon) that would be a possible contact for me. For this trip you might say that I came UBER prepared, equipped with only a sleeping bag (rated for 5 degree weather), 3 tee-shirts, jeans, quick dry pants, quick dry towel, chacos, sneakers, sunscrean, bug spray, toothpaste, toothbrush, and a bathing suit. Ok you might have figured out that this was not my final destination of the day (or weekend). After having a nice coffee (when I say having a coffee I mean it in the most Albanian of ways, meaning any type of drink, I had iced tea), I met up with some other volunteers and ate at a nice pasta place for lunch before grabbing a furgon (small bus/van) with all of us to head down to Divjak. We were lucky that we had so many people because we were not only able to get a furgon but we managed to convince him to drive all the way to Divjak (they don't normally go from where we were coming from).

After a stop at the dyqan (small market, there are many of them in every city) which we convinced our furgon driver to make for food we ended up at the beach in Divjak. Here we met up with a few other volunteers (a word which I have problems spelling now because it is vullnetar in Shqip) on the beach and had a drink.

So recap on grime on my body: sweaty body from sitting in a furgon [check], sand all over me from walking on the beach [check]. Don't worry, I'll keep a running tally for you.

So the beach was kind of an interesting one, and by interesting I mean strange. I loved the forest part we drove through, but the beach was a large expanse of wet sand, which cars and motorcycles drove on, and people left their trash on (or it washed up). But it was pretty all the same.

So then the journey continued, as we walked along the beach (add more sand to the grime count) then passed through a dug out river like thing to get to a different more isolated part of the beach (add salt water and whatever else was in there). A little bit further we pitched some tents and relaxed.

For dinner we cut some veggies (add random veggie juices to count) and beans and corn with "Mexico" sauce (add Mexico sauce to my body). Cooking was an adventure, complete with falling apart tinfoil, hot fire and hot grill which one of the other volunteers brought, and cooking using cans from other foods we had bought (add sand I was sitting on to the count).

Next morning we woke up and adventured into the sun (add slathered sunscreen), and the sand (add more sand), and the sea (add all the sea stuff and crab pieces floating in it) for a swim. We ate some vodka infused watermelon (add both of those to grime count).It was all quite nice. We then went on a journey to find the lagoon, ended up going on a nice walk through the woods (add pine and dirt), and maybe a trash heap (add trash). A few of us split off to make a large American flag in the sand, complete with 50 collected sea shells for the stars, and differently textured stripes, very impressive if I do say so myself.

After a decent walk we returned and rested while playing a few games. A few of the other volunteers had the idea to do a slip and slide so 5 of us decided to give it a go, and by slip and slide I mean a tarp folded and directed into the ocean then with shampooy water put onto it. So the shampoo might have managed to deplete the grime count a little, but the sand at the end of the tunnel.. err tarp brought it all back with a vengeance (add more sand, and a few bruises).

The night was celebrated by sparklers, and sparkler pictures, as well as some light fireworks. Our meal was cooked again, but this time better. The next morning we set out to find a restaurant where the guy serves you from a horse and arm wrestles people. It took us a little while to find it (with a few wrong directions) but eventually we did. There was some confusion about the pricing, it was a set rate which was far above that of our Peace Corps budget, but somehow we got it to work out. An interesting dining experience, with the waiters running everywhere (well I guess it's one way to stay in shape) and bringing out the food on grills. We then all split to go to our respective sites. Those of us heading up north managed to hitch.

A long weekend but all together a successful one. Sorry for the rambling towards the end of this, I am quite hungry and tired currently. I am also sorry for my not stellar mood recently. Things here have been a little rough for me, we all know the things I am not very good at (being alone, and not being busy) which pretty much explains my life right now. My counterpart and other friend were suspended from the Bashkia due to lack of funds, so I'm currently regrouping. Done a few tasks here and there today though. Generally I am entirely confused at how I ended up at a desk job. I swore to myself that I would not have one of these, and my body doesn't want me to either! My shoulder acts up when I have been sitting too long, and guess what this job does to me... Oh well, I assume this is a rough spot and I will work my way out of it by doing small projects and getting to know more people. I will go for a walk tonight.

Cat Update

Oh yeah, and the cat ran away. He was driving me insane anyway.

Lingering Questions

It has come to my attention that there are many questions that I have let go unanswered. I realized this after looking at a letter written by a dear camp friend which of course I have not responded to even after two months. Well first of all I decided to respond to her, 2nd of all I decided to answer some questions. My failure to write about these topics in the past most likely stems from the fact that during training it would have felt like beating a dead horse, as these topics were covered over and over again to the point I could not even think about them, much so much as write about them... but here goes I suppose.

Please post questions you have about Albania/my life here in the comments section so that I can respond to them!

Natural Landscape
It is hard for me to even begin to talk about the natural landscape and tell you how beautiful it is. There are multiple different landscapes in Albania, ranging from mountainous, to coastal, and combinations. My site is not so naturally beautiful, with its flat landscape, dirty river (made worse by the trash that is thrown into it), and lack of public green spaces. But other places have picturesque landscapes (such as Tepelne where I visited this weekend) with blue rivers cutting through towering mountains, birds flying around, and endless amounts of blooming wildflowers. There are many beaches in this country, the nearest one to me is Durres, which again is a little bit dirty. Many other beaches remain beautiful (so I've heard) and I cannot wait to visit them.

Trash
This country has a huge trash problem, well I suppose the whole world has a huge trash problem, we in the States might just be a little bit better at hiding it from the public eye. Trash will really just be dumped anywhere (usually near a river, because then it floats downstream away from you?), despite there being trash collection systems. To be fair Albania does not really have methods of dealing with trash, and has very little recycling. I have started to ask for used beer bottles to make a mosaic with. I'm hoping I can expand this endeavor into a project, but for now I will just make a small mark while making some art.

Development
I can't talk about development on a whole in this country, but maybe I can make some quick notes and observations about it. Another volunteer pointed out that much of it is a facade (nothing new to me but a good way of putting it). When you look at it this country appears to be developed, but when you look beyond that you see the undone interiors, the lack of following rules (or upholding them), the existence of internet but its only use being facebook, and then the young child driving a car... Things are certainly happening here it's just occasionally very slowly.

Gender
Sometimes I get a little frustrated, angry, annoyed, or uncomfortable. I dislike walking to work along the center of town, only to have hoards of men sitting at the tables outside of the local cafes looking at me. Maybe I'm imagining it, but it can be difficult when there are no women sitting with them, or around them, or often even walking around me. I have only had one actual thing happen to me, as a boy followed me around Elbason asking me to come for coffee, refusing to leave despite me yelling at him to, or telling him I was married (to which I received a reply of "it's not a problem"). Not really that much of an issue, but just annoying that this can happen leaving someone a little bit helpless. I also enjoyed my boss telling me that that housework is not for men (my boss is female). I've just never really been one for housework, but I guess that's what the Peace Corps is for (growing).

Transportation
Getting around this country is somewhat easy, and somewhat affordable. There are a few methods of transport 1) The buses. I tend to like taking the buses because they are easy, generally they leave at the same time every day (although this is unreliable and also there is no posted schedule). They tend to be slow but do not cost huge amounts. 2) Furgons, also known as mini buses. Furgons have set starting points and ending points (usually) but do not have specific stops and leave whenever they are full. They are certainly faster than the bus method but sometimes a little costlier, and our good old city of Shijak does not really have them. 3) cars, well I don't have one and am not allowed to drive one, and even if I could I would not. There are not really traffic laws here, people just drive, and often very fast. As a pedestrian I am terrified, in the center of my city I often jump away from cars, I have started to ask around at work why we don't do anything to control the traffic, I have generally gotten answers that it is somebody else's job, or that it is illegal to make certain types of changes. 5) Hitching, doing this is easier and more excepted in the states. Not something which I would choose to do alone, but if I am with somebody else it it a good way of getting somewhere while having conversations and working on my Shqip skills.

Endless Entertainment

A dear friend of mine today told me that he is trying to make his boring life seem much more interesting by creating a blog and writing about it interestingly... I told him I completely understand; I work a desk job, it just happens to be in another language.

Today I have been:
working on updating google map maker, it is a slow process, made even slower when google map maker decided to go into maintenance mode.

becoming completely addicted to so you think you can dance.

waiting for an email for a grant alerting program.

grossed out by loud chewing noises

Ok I lied, I think I missed the making it interesting part of this blog. Oh well, sigh.

Drumroll Please...

And the cat's name is...... Weasly. He (or she) is thus named because he is ginger and afraid of everything. Plus we're in Albania therefore he (or she) deserved a Harry Potter reference. Today after hearing a bang I walked into the hallway to see him climbing the walls... well windows. He was hanging onto a crack trying to push himself up. When he failed he dropped down only to catch himself on the bottom of the wood then drop down again, he's crazy, and it's official I am the cat lady we all knew that I would eventually become... it has just happened a little bit sooner than expected.

So I had a productive day today... finished a sheet I had to for the Peace Corps, wrote out an email I need to send asking for books, and decided on what recipes I will cook for the next 10 weeks for my Bashkia (municipality). This weekend I believe I will be headed south for a tubing experience. My friend came up this weekend and we had a great time here in good ole' Shijak.

Sorry but my orange chips are running low lately, don't have all that much energy or humor to put into this, but wanted to give a quick hello. Today I am missing you all terribly!

Many Shorts

I thought maybe, for a brief second that people would rather have full blog entries than these short posts that I have been writing... but then I realized. How many times did me and Amanda used to hound our friends about not writing long emails because we did not have the attention span and would just go straight to the end, so instead, I have decided to continue this practice. Not only will I continue this, but I decided to write many short things which are currently on my mind... read what you want, skip what you want.

On Cats
I have a cat now. My neighbor came to my door two days ago with a box:
"guess what's inside" she said
"uhhhh" was all I could muster
... , ...
"oh is it a cat" my sheepish reply, and yes, yes it was.
It is orange and white and meows like crazy. Seriously, skype me just so you can hear this thing go. I came home today to find it missing from its normal spot. It is still very afraid of me so it hides behind a cabinet in the front hall. I looked all over only to not find it. I figured it was somewhere in the house until I realized I left the window open a crack... oh no! But fear not, about 10 minutes ago I heard a loud meow... it's in here somewhere, I just still have no idea where. Unfortunatly the mother also hears it meowing and sits on my patio meowing. The cat still has no name and I am taking suggestions.

On Jews and Albania
I will admit I have had a few chances to mention my religion here. Usually I use it as a standard answer to why I don't eat meat, or why I don't date Albanian (I mean, that is a big part of the reason honestly and it just takes so many fewer words in Shqip). Normally I get 1 of two responses after I answer "Hebreo" to the question of "oh but what is your faith" 1) blank stares because they don't know what that religion is or 2) nods and ok but once again no further questions or responses due to the area of the unknown that it inhabits. Well the other day I went to see an artist and he had me write my last name down so he could give me a book. He took one look at it and replied "oh you're Jewish." I will admit that this took me a little off guard, but don't worry he went on to tell me that there were Jews hidden in Shijak during the Holocaust, and that he really likes Jews. He then gave me a really nice book.

On Daily Questions
There are a few questions which I inevitably get asked everyday (usually a few times) here.

1. Do you miss your family? - Life in Albania is incredibly family based. People remain living with their parents until they are married, even after the youngest son is expected to remain with the family. So they are a little surprised to hear that I was living "alone" (with friends is the same as this in their minds) back in the states as well.
2. Will you marry in Shijak? - The older men and women are very fond of this question, while the young women tell me absolutely not to do this. I like to tell them I won't because I want to live close to my family, and because of my faith. This prompted the response one time though "Libby is a good and beautiful girl, but she is a little racist." I further explained this answer don't worry. I said "maybe, but right now I just want to work on my career."
   
3. The "mire questions." A list of questions which ALL are to be responded with only "mire": Si je, si jeni, si a kalova, c'fare ben? Yup all mire, and yup all usually asked in succession.
   

On Working Out
I have decided to get back into shape (I'm a little sick of people pinching my fat, lovingly of course but still). So I have picked up yoga, and am at least trying to start running. This is where you all come in. Will you be my workout buddies. I have a REAL problem exercising alone. So could you please become my buddy, tell me you will run some amount of time (a little like 5 min) and I will match you. That way we can run together! (well, kind of).

On Pollution
I am just reading about water which leads me to my next point...

How can you even begin to address all the trash and water problems in Albania (or anywhere for that matter)? Damn regional problems really need to be fixed on the regional scale. It's frustrating right now because I know we're supposed to be working ground up but I would say one of the largest community problems is water and trash. We have a man made lake which was as far as I can tell created as a cheap environmental way to deal with toilet water (that's where our's goes) but there are all types of problems associated with that...Our “landfill” is right next to the river, we have no recycling (although we are interested). But here's the problem. Yes they want to do things about it, but even if we do something here (fix our water) they will still be dumping further upstream, so if we clean our water to move to fixing up the river (that's a large project they want to do) it's still crazy. But yes, I suppose I could start looking further into this. If only I knew more about water systems... anyone? If anyone does know (Dad..) please feel free to send me how to fix up a river, how to better deal with trash, or how to set up recycling. Just saying.

On Feelings
Sometimes I am really lonely, sometimes I feel really guilty, most of the time it's a little hard for me here. I live in a town that has at least 5 places to play pool, and the most common type of coffee bar is a llotto/sports/soccer bar. Now this might mean nothing to you, or it might really explain who inhabits the public space here, I'll give you a chance to guess... that's right men. When I walk to work I don't really see women milling about, there are only men in the cafes, and only men in the flower park. Yes, you will pass women, or see women running errands, I just don't personally see them seated all that often. Not to mention I live alone. I really would like to leave my house more, but to do what? I feel like I can go buy food and other than that what am I supposed to do? I run every now and then but it's just so hot. Also, I always hated exercising in public at home because I feared people would watch and judge me, there it might have been irrational, here it's not. Everyone really is watching me... and judging me when I do things in public. Some days I go to my neighbors house and they have been a great help, but they have their own family. I am going to the beach tomorrow with my counterpart and one of my fellow PC friends. So an explanation of the guilt... well I'm Jewish. But really, I am one of those people to always feel guilty, but here I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong. I wonder if I should be more integrated into the community, if I should be meeting more people, doing more projects, and so on and so forth. I start to wonder if I am making excuses, if really I could do whatever I wanted. And then there are the days that I just feel really tired. I am normally a pretty energetic person, but I am also one of those people who communicates mostly through stories. Well, my Shqip (Albanian) is not really good enough to get the speed and emotions to my story telling I normally have, and my English has to be incredibly slowed down and modified, once again making things difficult. Many days I come home exhausted just from not understanding what is going on around me, and feeling like I have not had a real conversation all day. I don't know, but please feel free to skype me or send me a message. Some times it's just good to talk. Sorry I guess this one wasn't really all that short.

On Cooking
Well I have had more time to cook. Thanks to mom and dad I know have a piece of Ithaca with me in the form of my moosewood cookbook (oh and my kids count tee shirt), and I have been modifying recipes from there and other places to fit what I can buy here. So I will start giving y'all some recipes I have been working on and enjoying.

Green beans + Dill: Cooked green beans with a sauce of: (I used) red wine vinegar, red pepper, dill, sugar, and onions all boiled together. Really I think you're supposed to use sherry vinegar, garlic, and red pepper flakes but I didn't have that.

Good Old Cucumber Salad: Mix plain yogurt, white vinegar, dill, garlic, and slices of cucumber.... Enjoy!

My House

my sink and refrigerator
my kitchen....
living room...
bedroom...
patio... my absolutely favorite part of my house.

Here are some pictures from my house...

A (Somewhat) Average Day

9:30 - Wake up
10:00- Go to do morning yoga only to find that my external hard drive is broken
10:20-12:00- question if it's really broken or just something is disconnected, figure out that no it really is broken, and try to fix it. Realize I need more help to fix it and will just wait for somebody to come and help me.
12:00- Try to unplug my computer only to get majorly shocked/electrocuted
12:20 Decide that it's time to go to the market to buy food
1:00 - Actually leave to go to the market to buy food
1:15- spend 20 minutes trying to explain what I want to buy (a half kilo please...)
1:45 - Run into a woman I stayed with and her sister and let them pinch my arms and call them fat (awesome).

Books

Dear all, scroll to the bottom of my blog to see what I'm reading, and what I would love to read!

address again...

just to clear things up... the shijak address is the correct address to send things to... they just get stopped in Durres!

work

well... i'm sitting here, and sitting here, and sitting here, and sitting here (shall I continue). I'm trying to figure out what I should be doing... I have spent the first week at site studying Shijak, I have:
- written a wikipedia article
- found out about our waste and water system (we dump our toilet water into the lake without filtering it it seems, water comes 1 hour a day and then is stored, we collect trash daily and put it into a hole and cover it with soil, or just dump it by the river)
- started a Lynch map, and pretty much finished other than districts
- started a photo grid but gave up on that project after feeling weird about taking pictures of people's property
- gone for coffees
- read about youth participation
- read about youth art projects
- read about grant getting
- researched grants
- found out about the communities' priorities
and so on and so forth...
And when I ask about projects, the answer is we are waiting for funds. So now what? Well now I am researching books for a book club that may or may not ever happen... although I'm pretty sure I'm done with that. I guess I will keep reading about grants, and river projects...

Sending packages

so now that people are interested in sending me things I have more info....
I lied, send packages to "Elizabeth Horwitz" I have to go to Durres to pick up packages and show my passport so this will make it easier. The best way to send packages is through the US post office. Buy a flat rate box or envelope (the ones for 4 pounds or less only cost $14, which would be perfect for sending some light spices). Then send away!

Book Club

So in the future I am thinking about starting a book club with women in the community... I am looking for suggestions on books in English (easy-medium reading level) which would deal in one way or another with woman's empowerment or could lead to conversations on this. Please post your suggestions!

Some pictures

During training many of us went on a camping trip. We had lots of fun playing games, talking, singing songs, and sitting at a campfire (yes classic hippy dippy stuff). Well at least that was my experience at the camping trip...

This is me and the rest of my Bishqemers... For those of you who don't know Bishqem was where I first lived before I had to switch families. These are some of my closest friends here, and I still think of them as my primary PC family even though I switched sites.
Ninja attack of course... Still doing teambuilding no matter where I go!

One of the first weekends we had a picnic!

Here is us on top of a mountain, we went on a hike! These are some of my fellow Librazheders. We are sweaty and tired (well at least I was) but had fun.

So I know all of you have been begging for pictures so I decided to put up a few... I took none of these, they are all taken by friends but they show a little bit of what I have been up to, I will continue to add more!